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Jan 10Love 101
The extrapersonal cannot satisfy the intrapersonal.
With someone else you are building something,
but not yourself.
“I’m happy WITH this person”.
And without, you still are who you were before, are you not incomplete in your self?
And so, you are in a relationship of dependence and need, and therefore it is predestined to fail.
How can you love someone else, when you do not love yourself? You cannot.
But you will look again to someone else.
The cycle of starting-up and breaking-off repeats.
Why do you not ever look to your self?
What is your nonsensical concept of the one? An excuse.
An excuse to cycle through so many partners, because there’s ONLY ONE who fits the boot.
In truth, there are hundreds (for some of you, thousands).
The problem, then, is your self.
Instead of building with someone else, build your self.
You will have satisfaction and completeness, and not need look in anyone else for that, for you already have it.
Then, at some point, there will be the one.
This one is the one because rather than love out of default and need, you have love out of choice and want.
That is the everlasting bond.
It is too often, however, I see “relationships” develop out of default. You love someone because, in not loving your self, you need someone to do it for you. Therein was no choice to a partner, but a subconscious dictation; needing someone.
We should be concerned with ourselves, to see to it that we are built and our sought potential achieved. Because it is the ideology of a relationship that one’s partner comes first, and one second. In that sacrifice, we could forgo our potential, depending on the grandeur or modesty of our goals. Yet we have those that are incomplete such that that they are subconsciously directed onto someone else! How will that incomplete person be built, if he is busy building something (predestined to fail) but not himself?
It bears significance that there is the term “hopeless romantic” but, there is not “hopeless love”, is there? It is romantic to think that a partner will solve your incompleteness, it is as well hopeless. Before building with someone else, build your self.
January 8th, 2010 at 5:16 pm
Yeah breaking a tooth is pretty bad. Thank you for your comment!
That’s a really well written post. It is definitely the case when you see someone who goes through so many ‘relationships’ each time saying that they will love that person forever. They need to sort themselves out! Hehe.
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January 8th, 2010 at 7:40 pm
This is so true. I read this book on the Law of Attraction concerning find love and it states that you will find that one person when you have worked on yourself, created the right boundaries and starting doing the things you love instead of waiting on that “one” to do them with. Once you do that and stop looking for love, it will come to you. It also suggested that instead of looking for love from your significant other, it’s best to learn to love yourself and to accept love from family and friends instead of putting the burden on that one person. Love always seems to come when you aren’t looking for it!
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January 9th, 2010 at 9:55 am
I agree with you, sales are somewhat maddening. I’m sure that has to hurt, after waiting and eventually get nothing. I went to the sales, but fortunately not expect much in line to pay to buy clothes.
Yes I suppose it is more enjoyable when there are children around. I agree with you.
Unfortunately, this is so true.
I think before starting a relationship, you must first believe in yourself and learn to love yourself. Thus, you will not be in a dependent relationship to your partner.
I agree with your approach to relationships and love.
I believe that love should not be searched, because the more I look less find it. You wait for love to come to you. When you are ready to will come. I think love always seems to come when you are not looking for it.
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January 10th, 2010 at 11:34 am
Wow… really strange. First time here and you’ve stolen my thoughts out of my head and placed them here in this blog! I’ve actually written a poem about how important it is to love yourself. I don’t think people realize how big of an issue it really is.
I grow weary of hearing people saying things like “he/she completes me.” I think I did a blog post on it a year ago. That’s a sign of dependency and you should never be dependent on your significant other. If you’re incomplete and you’re seeking someone to complete you, you’ll be broken/incomplete once again once that person is gone. Rather than looking for someone to complete you, you should first complete yourself.
People are constantly searching for the one and idk… as of late, I believe he or she will be placed together when the time is right (meaning, both people are complete on their own). But I definitely love this- “This one is the one because rather than love out of default and need, you have love out of choice and want.” It’s the truth!
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January 13th, 2010 at 2:44 pm
I guess that’s why I’m alone. I like being me and don’t need anyone else to tell me I’m good to feel my own worth. So now I’m just waiting for someone perfect.
Too many people seem to settle with a significant other who isn’t perfect for them, just so they can feel loved and needed. I’ve seen so many people go from relationship to relationship, to feel loved. And I’ve seen people who stay in really bad relationships because they’re scared of being alone. I think that’s the worst.
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January 20th, 2010 at 11:32 am
Wow, thats one amazing entry! I thought i was reading a poem at first O.O
what you said is COMPLETELY true, how you cant love someone unless you love yourself first. thats why me and my ex didnt last at all. i hated myself and wanted to my ex to love me…well didnt HATE just didnt accept myself. my flaws and all. its been almost a year now (wow, time flies) and im still uninterested in relationships but…I LOVE ME NOW! so..maybe I’ll be ready soon ^^;
great entry
If you want someone to love you and accept you for who you are, you got to first love yourself and accept yourself, because if you can’t even do THAT, then accepting and loving someone else is virtually impossible.
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January 20th, 2010 at 2:12 pm
Haha, so sorry for the late reply!
Yeahhh, that’s true haha. Like…hamster jacket. I picture my little hamster wearing a stylish coat.
Interesting blog. I’m about to leave for work so I don’t have the right mind set to get all into it but yeah, it was interesting. Nice blog.
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March 17th, 2010 at 11:33 am
The extrapersonal cannot satisfy the intrapersonal.
With someone else you are building something,
but not yourself.
Yes, that’s true. The extrapersonal cannot satisfy the intrapersonal, but if the two world are linked, think of the satisfaction both sides can have. But how? Emotional ties. Can’t a person build himself through the experiences he has shared with another person?
“I’m happy WITH this person”.
That line always gets me asking, well, aren’t you not happy with yourself? Maybe it’s because there’s the lack of depth and details when describing the emotions the person feel toward the significant other.
And without, you still are who you were before, are you not incomplete in your self?
An experience will never leave a person at a standstill. Without the significant other, the person might appear to be the same incomplete junk he once was before he met the signif. other, but surely the experience has change him in subtle ways that an outsider cannot perceive.
And so, you are in a relationship of dependence and need, and therefore it is predestined to fail.
If a person gets into a relationship with the lack of independence, yes, it is predestined to fail because there is no base, no support whatsoever. This doesn’t have to be about a love relationship. It can be about any relationships really. Two scholars can’t come together and have an effective conversation if each of them is relying on the other to be the “teacher.” It requires both sides to participate to create something worthwhile.
How can you love someone else, when you do not love yourself? You cannot.
All I can say is TRUE. hahah.
I see love relationships as a way to connect with someone and share the moments with someone, just as any other relationships. A person might be incomplete and get into a relationship, but get closer to completeness after such experience. a person can find completeness on his own, but to share the moments with someone and go through all the shitloads of drama and emotional turmoil toward completeness, I think that’s crazy, but something extraodinary. One person might have something the other don’t have. Sharing, helping, integrating. I can continue on, I probably will, but for now, I have to get ready to go to class.
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August 27th, 2010 at 5:31 pm
Nice piece, I like it. I’ve never really fallen in love or have had any strong feelings towards someone besides the obvious crushes once in a while so I don’t find a significant “other” that important.
I do agree that it’s important to grow as an individual, to challenge oneself and to explore one’s beliefs and values before entering into a relationship. I’m 22 and I’ve been through so much and have grown tremendously within the past 4 years as an individual that I can’t really comprehend what it would be like to do it with someone else. I’m sure it would be a different life adventure as well…
You don’t have to answer this question if you don’t feel comfortable but I’m gonna ask out of curiosity; what led you to belief this? has always been your personal belief or did you arrive at these thoughts out of personal experience?
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